Threesome Tension

Martin and Josie Brown
Wed, 23 Apr 2014 21:00:00 -0700
Lifestyle

Dear John: Recently, my husband shared with me that he would like to have a threesome with another female. I know this is pretty much a fantasy many guys have. After stating this, he said he would leave it up to me if it happened or not. And now, I'm confused. Our sex life is great. I love my husband very much and want to make his every wish come true, but I just don't know about this! — Now What? in Phoenix

Dear Now What?: He's trying to live out a fantasy and is hoping you'll share this fantasy with him. In this case, there are two things that you don't want to do. One, don't participate in any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. Two, don't make him feel guilty or distrusted for mentioning this fantasy. With those two thoughts in mind, and without rancor, have an open and honest conversation as to how this makes you feel and why you don't find it appealing. Loving relationships are about shared gratification. Keep searching for those things that you both would enjoy.

Dear John: I am a 40-year-old woman married eight months to a 28-year-old man. We dated for four months prior to our marriage. When we argue, it always devolves to his yelling and sometimes name-calling. He becomes very detached and cold, sometimes even cruel. I end up crying and feeling like a failure. I don't know if this all points to ending the relationship or trying harder to make it work. He tells me at times that I try too hard. When we met, I thought he was so wonderful, so full of passion, emotion, thoughts and feelings. Now I find that I am walking on eggshells most of the time. — Not Happy, in Nashville
Updated: Thu Apr 24, 2014

Dear John: Recently, my husband shared with me that he would like to have a threesome with another female. I know this is pretty much a fantasy many guys have. After stating this, he said he would leave it up to me if it happened or not. And now, I'm confused. Our sex life is great. I love my husband very much and want to make his every wish come true, but I just don't know about this! — Now What? in Phoenix

Dear Now What?: He's trying to live out a fantasy and is hoping you'll share this fantasy with him. In this case, there are two things that you don't want to do. One, don't participate in any behavior that makes you feel uncomfortable. Two, don't make him feel guilty or distrusted for mentioning this fantasy. With those two thoughts in mind, and without rancor, have an open and honest conversation as to how this makes you feel and why you don't find it appealing. Loving relationships are about shared gratification. Keep searching for those things that you both would enjoy.

Dear John: I am a 40-year-old woman married eight months to a 28-year-old man. We dated for four months prior to our marriage. When we argue, it always devolves to his yelling and sometimes name-calling. He becomes very detached and cold, sometimes even cruel. I end up crying and feeling like a failure. I don't know if this all points to ending the relationship or trying harder to make it work. He tells me at times that I try too hard. When we met, I thought he was so wonderful, so full of passion, emotion, thoughts and feelings. Now I find that I am walking on eggshells most of the time. — Not Happy, in Nashville

Dear Not Happy: Prior to your marriage, you allowed your strong physical and emotional attraction to cloud your thoughts about long-term compatibility. Conflict can be managed if both parties are willing to compromise. Those couples that have successful marriages despite an age difference do so because of their respect for each other. Together, both of you must continue to grow emotionally and intellectually. Now is the time for an open conversation about your future. If only one or neither of you wants to make this marriage work, then recognize your mistake and move on.