What's All the Fighting About?

Ron Wynn
Mon, 01 Mar 2021 21:00:00 -0800
Lifestyle

Wouldn't it be great if everyone got along? It's nice to see neighbors become close friends and invite each other to barbecues, watch sports together and have kids swim parties. But sadly, this is not always the case.

Fights and disagreements come up and, in some cases, go unresolved for years, causing friction and bad feelings to trickle down to the next generation. Can you guess where this most often comes from? Maybe you are someone who has experienced a neighbor disappointment yourself, or who has somehow, either rightfully or not rightfully, irritated your neighbor.
Updated: Tue Mar 02, 2021

Wouldn't it be great if everyone got along? It's nice to see neighbors become close friends and invite each other to barbecues, watch sports together and have kids swim parties. But sadly, this is not always the case.

Fights and disagreements come up and, in some cases, go unresolved for years, causing friction and bad feelings to trickle down to the next generation. Can you guess where this most often comes from? Maybe you are someone who has experienced a neighbor disappointment yourself, or who has somehow, either rightfully or not rightfully, irritated your neighbor.

Here are some of the most common issues that cause neighbors not to speak.

No. 1: Barking dogs — Imagine a neighbor who is a light sleeper or has a baby who naps during the day and you have dogs that bark every time you leave them in the yard.

No. 2: Loud music, noisy parties and poorly behaved, trashy-mouthed kids — This one speaks for itself.

No. 3: Suspicious behavior — Imagine your neighbor being suspicious of you running an illegal business practice or doing something else illegal.

No. 4: OId cars and camper boats — Neighbors can easily be irritated when they are forced to look at an old car or a boat that rarely leaves the spot where it is parked, even though it is clearly on your own property.

No. 5: Car parked in front of their house — This one can be argued both ways. The street is for public parking, and as long as you move the vehicle every two days, you are generally within the laws, assuming there are no posted signs. On the other hand, a homeowner who parks their cars in the garage may hope to have a space or two in front of their home to accommodate family and guests without having to ask you for permission.

No. 6: Sprinklers, drainage and water — When you have designed your landscaping to infringe on your neighbor, you are asking for trouble. Be sure your sprinklers and natural slopes and walkways push water to a French drain or directly to the street without crossing to your neighbor's property — unless you are ready for a fight, and maybe a lawsuit.

No. 7: Bad yard maintenance and peeling paint — Everyone knows that property values can be affected by neighboring properties in poor condition. Who wants to live next to a dump? On the other hand, not everyone on a pension and fixed income can afford to paint their home every five years and have a weekly gardening service. If you are in such a position, explain that to your neighbor; try your best to keep up your yard yourself; and wash your driveway down as needed.

No. 8: Hoarders and recycling collectors — If your home is bringing attention to junk and is not meeting the neighborhood standard, your neighbor may think that their property value is at risk. They may also worry about rodents and prowlers being attracted to the junk that's out in the open.

No. 9: Trees, shrubs and roots — Fights often occur over roots that tear up a neighbor's driveway, pool, walkway, garage slab or fence. Research specific laws about trees and roots, but first, I advise calm and levelheaded communication. Fights also occur over who has the rights and the responsibility to maintain, trim and pay for tree trimming or tree removal. The same goes for fence maintenance and replacement. Who is responsible for the cost, and what if only one of the neighbors can afford the expense and the other cannot?

No. 10: Encroachments — What if a new neighbor moves in and suddenly insists that you remove a fence, trellis or other structure? You may think, "Who are you? It's been like this for 30 years." The neighbor may argue that he has a valid survey, and you may say, "Who cares?" This is a very common fight where both neighbors feel they are in the right.

No. 11: Air conditioning compressors — An air conditioning compressor that makes noise well into the night can be frustrating. Imagine telling your neighbor that you are a light sleeper and are having trouble sleeping and him saying, "That's your problem."

No. 12: A new fence down the middle of a joint driveway — Imagine having a side-by-side driveway and then, one day, your neighbor building a fence down the middle with no notice. You can no longer open the passenger door of your car after 30 years of being able to do so. You tell your neighbor that, and he insists that he built the fence legally.

No. 13: Ugly structures and infringement of privacy — Suddenly, your neighbor builds a storage shed or a chicken coop without a permit. It's ugly to look at, even though he built it on his property. If you threaten to turn him in, you just created an enemy who will never forgive you. Also, if you build a second story, which you have every right to do, your neighbor's pool that used to be totally private has now become the head-on view from your new master bedroom suite. This one is the toughest, because it is easily understood from both sides. Two logical and levelheaded neighbors should understand that this is just something that happens and not hold it against the neighbor who is building a legal second story with full city approvals.

My advice: When things happen, take a deep breath and think before you react. Be reasonable and see the other person's point of view. Stay calm. Be responsible, and communicate in person. Don't blame; don't threaten; and don't accuse. If that doesn't work, wait a few days until you calm down and try again with a friendly and nonthreatening letter. If that still doesn't work, suggest third-party mediation before talking to an attorney and filing a lawsuit. Try your best, and only take legal action as a last resort.